Our Chinese Wedding 21.12.13

A few years back, Dad founded the Li yi society. Its purpose is the patriotic revival of traditional Chinese customs, etiquettes and rituals in Hong Kong and China (no website I'm afraid). Among the society's various interests is the reinstatement of the Chinese handshake (gong sau li) into social discourse and the promotion of traditional Chinese music and costumes. Then there is also the matter of re-popularising the traditional Chinese wedding.

To be sure, Hong Kong has recently seen an upsurge in Chinese-style weddings. But in my experience (I've attended a few), they tend to be pretty facile. More like token spectacles performed for aesthetic reasons as opposed to meaningful reenactments of a historical festive ritual.

Through his own initiative, Dad decided he would design and plan our Chinese wedding (on 21.12.13). This rather large undertaking for a supposedly retired person would be without the bells and whistles, and fun and games of the popularised versions. But the resulting simplicity of our ceremony would allow for a genuine meaning to shine through.

At the heart of our ceremony lay the Confucian (after the ancient sage Confucius, 孔夫子) principle of two families coming together. One of the hallmark principles of Confucianism is that a marriage is between two families, not just two individuals. After all, the family forms the bedrock of society, and so a peaceful society is formed by a network of peaceful families. Wouldn't the broken communities of the West do well to import this honourable sentiment? Mind you, modern China could also do with a dose of its own wisdom. Its family values have lamentably withered thanks to Mao Zedong, destroyer of Chinese culture and utter embarrassment to the Chinese people, and the rise of capitalism after him.

But I digress.

Our ceremony took place in front of a makeshift altar that was beautifully adorned in red velvet. The Chinese characters for Double Happiness (喜喜) graced the backdrop in resplendent gold. With the guests all seated, the bride and the groom were led into the hall by one of the dai kam jie holding a lantern. The ceremony then opened with the blessing of the couple's union (and by extension the union of their two families) by the Sun, the Heavens and the Earth, followed by offerings to the ancestors (we stopped at the bride and groom's maternal and paternal grandparents). M & I made our offerings by bowing three times, finished with a gong sau lei. Confucius, represented by a gold-plated statue at the middle of the altar, served as the spiritual overlord of the proceedings. While the ceremony adhered closely to tradition, it adopted the wedding vow which is, of course, Christian in origin. Cleverly, the vows, which we read out in turn, effectively explained the meaning of the ritual to the guests. This was especially useful for members of M's family for whom the whole affair was all rather foreign. The vows were printed on beautifully-made scrolls, a little detail that fitted nicely with the scholarly streak in Confucianism.

Then it was onto the part of the ceremony that is most familiar to Hong Kongers: the tea ceremony. This is the bride and groom's way of asking the family members in attendance for their blessings. After all, everybody has to agree to the marriage of the two families! Thankfully, not all the guests could attend in the end (originally 28 of the 'elders' from the bride's side plus the groom's father, partner and sister), saving M & I the trouble of offering 14 rounds of tea!

Besides the ritual, the ceremony was something of a show of traditional Chinese wedding fashion. The bride wore a regal two-piece gown in red and gold. Every millimetre of the gown was painstakingly beaded and embroidered with patterns of the Dragon (representing the Emperor) and Phoenix (the Empress), clouds and flowers. The groom wore a red and gold cheung sam (a Chinese silk dress, but for men) and a somewhat whimsical red silk bundle resembling a massive 3D ribbon was hung at his chest. This way, he truly looked like the bride's prized possession! To literally cap off his look, he wore a traditional black skullcap (like in the movies!). I speak for both M & I when I say that the experience of being attired in such refinery felt historic in itself!

Despite some worrying hiccups during the rehearsal, the day itself went swimmingly. As with any climatic event with a long buildup, our ceremony started and concluded at such a pace as to feel completely dreamlike with a bittersweet aftertaste. All the hard work that had gone into it had now been distilled into a lingering memory. Or better yet, a beautiful myth to tell the grandkids (which M & I vowed we would have!) and one that's blessed by a near-mythical figure no less!

Most importantly, Dad can look back on this post-retirement 'career' highlight – a true labour of love – with the knowledge that he did his great ancestor proud. Thanks Dad for all your love ♥♥♥

Bride and groom give the gong sau li (check out his' bow!)

And now for a bit of fun...

AiiiiYa!